I try to be as honest as possible with myself. I’m treating my life as a time limited experiment. I’m the observer and the main subject of the study at the same time. and I find it entertaining and saddening at the same time.
It’s saddening as the observer part of me is always watching all my actions and evaluating them, and the results don’t always say that I’m the person I want to be or supposed to be.
One of those problems is the fact that if I have two choices, and I know which one is the right thing, still I would convince myself to choose the wrong one. this doesn’t happen always. I would assume that 30% of my choices go like that.
There’re a lot of reasons depending on the situation, but my emotions and desires are the ones to blame in all those situations. it’s the fight between brain and heart. it sounds cheesy and unscientific but it’s the simplest way I can describe it.
Those are the sounds that tell you to sleep for more minutes while it’s time to wake up. the things that makes you eat ice cream while you’re trying to lose weight. the things that makes you procrastinate.
Those are simple examples with short lasting effects, but it’s worse when the choices may affect me for years without anyway to reverse that. specially if those choices involve other people. people’re not forgiving by design specially if they’ve no reason to give you another chance.
It’s interesting to watch other people going through the same dilemma. I can say that I can sometimes see through some people and know whether if they know the right choice or not. I would try to help them kill their wrong choice, but if they choose the wrong one, what can I do?!
I don’t try to judge people or treat them like idiots or assume they’re evil. they just followed their desires and emotions. I do that too. how can I blame someone if I can’t even control my emotions and desires. still there’s a line that no body should cross ever. something like killing for example isn’t forgivable.
We humans are complicated creatures. God made us smarter than others, but gave us more emotions that weaken the logical part of our brain. I can’t say it’s a bad thing. I think it’s natural. there should be something that put some balance in humanity. still we can’t be perfect.
That’s why I try to be forgiving when people come to me to apologies just as they’re sorry about what they said about me or did to me while they don’t need something from me more than that. It’s easy to smell if someone is apologizing just to get something from you.
I think as much wrong choices we make, there must be forgiveness and something to learn. the fact is that there’s no way to stop making wrong choices, so let’s learn from our wrong choices and forgive ourselves and forgive others as much as we can.